I always wanted to be the bad boy,
the rebel, the loner,
the anti-establishment nonconformist.
All the anti-heroes
(who were somehow heroic)
were the ones who made a difference.
The lone wolves ran the pack,
got the girls,
rode off into the sunset.
I never fit in.
Mental illness and addiction at home
and poverty don't make you popular.
A misfit doesn’t fit in anywhere for long.
I had too much empathy to be mean or tough.
I was too smart to be a good follower,
too lonesome to connect,
too independent to fall in line.
My role models were the
artists and poets
who found the words and materials
to speak their truths
and live in the face
And changed worlds
at least on the inside.
We cannot put our lives fully and completely into our writings. There is always more. Life doesn’t fit in a box. All that I can do is open small windows into my personal universe.