First of all: I don’t want to be patronizing.
You are far from a bad writer. I’ve read less compelling, ‘dryer’ posts from some who are trying to make money here.
You seem to be comparing yourself to some fantasy, perfect future self.
Your perfectionism is holding you back.
And, your negative self-talk is hurting you.
It’s great to want to be a great writer. Life and more writing will get you in that direction. But, don’t compare yourself to anyone else because -You. are. not. them.
The more that you write the better you will write and the more your writers’ voice will develop.
I have read some of your posts, clapped, and followed you because you are good and I see potential and want to see how you develop.