Hey, Guy. (You don’t use your name, so I’ll just call you “Guy”.)
You tagged this ‘fiction’ but it feels awfully real, so I’m going out on a limb and assume it’s more ‘personal’. I’ll try not to take too much of your time.
I’ve spent some time ‘on the road’ as we used to say, hitching around the country. Spent nights in emergency rooms to stay warm and begging food. It’s a hard life and I wasn’t in the cold for 2 years.
I know that every state and community has its own culture and prejudices, and a lot of people seem pretty shitty. I always got some help at the right time out-of-the-blue. It only takes one kind person to help if you are willing to have help.
My brother was in a similar situation to yours and he was so depressed and angry at the world that he refused to do anything to help himself except asking me to ‘save‘ him. But, wouldn’t even go to Social Services appointments that I made for him or walk through the doors of a free clinic. He was too proud and set in his ways to do more than drink cheap wine, smoke cigarettes, and feel sorry for himself.
This made me feel like a failure, I didn’t have the personal resources or psychological wherewithal to take him in or help him the way that ‘He’ wanted to be helped. And he seemed, to himself, justified in his paranoia and hatred of the world.
I don’t know you or if this is a work of fiction. But I know it could be real. And, if real, I can only ask you to reach out to anybody and everybody, not as a weakness but as a human that wants to save a life. You are not less worthy than anyone else.
I’m not a preacher and I know we all have our own stories. But we have the capability to change our story. I hope this helps someone.