I wish that I didn’t understand.
Your poem says it all.
I have had situations in which expressing deep grief would have been very appropriate. And, only had tears in the corners of my eyes.
I know that grief is there and can fill my body, but that ‘off switch’ stays off when the catharsis of crying would be appropriate. Knowing that grief is there offers some comfort, and I know that it may someday show. In the meantime, I try to express the emotions that are available to me. We are ‘trained’ that some ‘violent’ emotions are off limits and it’s difficult to break that training.