Wandering in the Abyss
Some times, and for some folks, the way seems well lit.
Having a consistent well-worn path leads some to successes of sorts. Their lives are measured in minutes, hours, days, months, years, and lifetimes. They are curious about how to do things the ‘right way’.
I have never found those paths tolerable because they are crowded, dull, and lack any life or death excitement.
That makes me seem a bit antisocial, maybe pathological, and possibly suicidal, I know.
Society is set up for the followers of the well-lit path. They are normal and conform to the maintenance and continuance of the social order.
My psychology makes for a divergence from the lighted way. I appreciate dark alleys, untrod wilderness, and looking into the abyss. I look for different ways, different scenarios that might work better.
I am too curious and impulsive to follow the well-lit path.
I am too uncautious to play it safe.
Adventure, in mind, body, and soul, calls to me like a sirens song for which there is no mast and rope to bind me.
I can only call on the Spirit of the Universe to help me.
The easy way is only a slow, boring road to death.
This is an attitude that is ingrained in my life, inseparable from who I am.
It has lead to self-recrimination, failure, fear, and lack of motivation. It has also lead to successes which seem far away and almost unreal. The human brain is wired to remember the losses before the wins.
But the journey, though it may involve loss, still calls.
“[…]the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”
― Jack Kerouac, On the Road
Exploding thoughts and ideas, dark alleys and corners, bright colors, all inspire me. I want to create/communicate these in my world.
For 70 years I’ve built up and stored experiences. I write to share these and sort things for myself. I love living and sometimes feel that I have had more than one life in these years. Right now, it is the life of a novice writer, but that will expand into bigger and better creating.
If you are not a follower of the lighted way, we may run into each other in the shadows.