I can be a bit rebellious…
I often feel that I don’t fit in.
I don’t do small talk well.
I don’t know your quiet life.
You don’t have boiling lava in your soul.
You seek a quiet life.
I’ve only known quiet when alone.
My electric brain and the engine
in my chest don’t shut up often.
Normal is boring.
I have suffered for lack of normalcy.
Much of the suffering
Came from a desire to be normal.
Yes. Rebellious. A Dreamer.
I am sorry for my inconsistencies.
My lack of ‘ sticktoitiveness’
From childhood, through adulthood
And now, as I enter the next phase,
I see that I never had another choice
Than to seek a kind of freedom.
Ah, but what is ‘freedom’
There is a paradox here.
Is free-will free to choose?
Am I governed only by emotion?
And does emotion govern logic?
Is there logic in ‘because I want to’.
Logic doesn’t govern ‘madness’.
I have used logic to stay
In emotionally devastating situations.
I have maintained until my soul rebelled.
Meltdowns are not pretty.
So, I sit and write
In love with life
Who I am.
Dana Sanford ~ 2019