How Medium is bringing me back to life.
I began writing on Medium last July. I had been a ‘reader’ for a few months and had ‘thought about’ writing but…well, some of you know the feeling.
Self-doubt and a ‘confused mind’ (more on this momentarily) had left me unsure and unwilling to risk whatever I felt that I had to lose.
When we dare think of stepping onto a field-of-play that has been denied and ridiculed by some past ‘authorities’ and peer groups, it is almost impossible to do more than watch from the sidelines.
I doodled and wrote short thoughts and poetry in notebooks throughout my schooling. Got bad grades on note taking, but was smart enough to pass tests.
I continued writing for myself through my life. Scraps of paper, napkins, and journals and sketch pads collected my creativity, which was seldom shared.
Journaling became very important to me after a breakdown in 2006. Anxiety, panic attacks, and depression fueled some dark and emotional personal writings. This helped me get through some hard life changes, along with therapy and medication. And, I was even able to go off the mental health lines for a time.
Until…Well, let’s just say it all reared its ugly head again and I had to return to get my head fixed. I didn’t know why I kept doing stupid shit that made me ‘crazy’ and got me in trouble.
Therapy and some journaling pulled me back off the edge and I began looking at what I was doing.
I have been impulsive, rebellious, creative, and scattered all my life. And it has ruined my life in any number of ways. It has just been the way I am. I never understood how others could live ‘normal’ lives. And I had written myself off as ‘crazy and lazy’.
My therapist had mentioned ADHD at one point and one day when I was particularly unfocused, I looked up ‘scatter-brained’ on the web. ADHD was a bit down the list and, what I had thought was a ‘kid thing’, fit perfectly. The symptoms and life of an adult with undiagnosed ADHD were mine.
So I went to a psychiatric professional, got the diagnosis confirmed, and started taking the right med, and started figuring out how to compensate for having a different brain functionality. (I am working on a post on my experiences in this area.)
Last July, as the meds started working and I could intentionally focus, I began writing here. I have learned about myself and others and found a safe place to publish my thoughts.
Publishing has helped me put things in context. It’s amazing how writing to communicate can organize thoughts.
Context has helped me to understand things on a more intimate level.
Journaling is great but allows for a multitude of thoughts to appear simultaneously and unsorted.
Writing is helping me come out of years of mental chaos and redefine who I am. Unburying a Self long denied.
Medium has become a go-to for me to read and write. It’s fun, therapeutic, makes a small income (which helps).
Thank you for reading and go forth and write your truth.
Dana Sanford 2/16/2019